BIPOLAR DISORDER | The Dark Clouds of Depression

The dark cloud is swirling around my head screaming even louder than before. I notice my heart is gone. The plague has ddevoured it and encased it in a black box. I cant seem to find the key. People come by and I dont seem to care. They are inconveniencing me from hatchiing my plan. I dont want to have company when im so near to the end. I ask myself the same daily question, when will this depfression ever end?

My entire body sinks a little lower the weight of my organs feeling heavier than before. My head feels like its a thousand tons. I sigh again im just so tired. So exhausted from constantly living this endless nightmare. Hope and determination are shaved away with each passing day. Each morning I rise hoping it will be gone. Each morning disappointed death consumes my thoughts. Another day of this insanity. Another struggle I dont want to face. Just please let me be at peace. Each day I sink deeper, I know im moving closer to the edge. I can feel the black walls caving in around me and im just alone stuck in a dark well without a rope.

Each day I grow more defeated and depression wins one more battle. Ive lost count of the days depression has won, but clearly im far ouut numbered. Those long winter months where depression manages to get its strongest hold I sit on the bus with my head in my hands. Im giving up I cry. Ive lost too many battles to even bother to keep on trying. Im so extremely tired ill give myself as a sacrifice to the devil so that manybe one less soul should have to fight this battle. My final breath will be your final prize.

I never retoo ally thought about a suicide note. But I guess all id want is for people to be happy. I dont want anybody to shed a tear. Im at peace id say. Ive fought too hard for too long and I was stuck on a sinking ship. Please dont curse me for jumping overboard. I really tried as hard as I could. I didnt chose to die, my mind chose it long before I did. It kept me in this violent prision and my only chance of escape was through suicide. Surely you all knew the end was near and if you didnt then maybe you should shed a tear. How could you not see my life long struggle? How could you stand by and watch me suffer without lending a hand? I donytt blame you though, maybe you just didnt know how. 

The dark isnt always midnight black. It comes in all shades of black and grey. Sometimes its less intense than the last or darker than the next. I never know how low im going to go or for how long. My troubled mind follows me whereever I go. I am lifeless and dark. My mind is too burdened with death to be able to process life

Each day I grow more defeated and depression wins one more battle. Ive lost count of the days depression has won, but clearly im far ouut numbered. Those long winter months where depression manages to get its strongest hold I sit on the bus with my head in my hands. Im giving up I cry. Ive lost too many battles to even bother to keep on trying. Im so extremely tired ill give myself as a sacrifice to the devil so that manybe one less soul should have to fight this battle. My final breath will be your final prize.

My entire body sinks a little lower the weight of my organs feeling heavier than before. My head feels like its a thousand tons. I sigh again im just so tired. So exhausted from constantly living this endless nightmare. Hope and determination are shaved away with each passing day. Each morning I rise hoping it will be gone. Each morning disappointing death consumes my thoughts. Another day of this insanity. Another struggle I dont want to face. Just please let me be at peace. Each day I sink deeper, I know im moving closer to the edge. I can feel the black walls caving in around me and im just alone stuck in a dark well without a rope.

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